This gig looked like it was going to go on for another six months or so because apparently contract extensions are often justified as an extension of an existing body of work, which the new position obviously is, but it�s HR and not the hiring manager who gets to make that determination, and since HR isn�t involved in the various bodies of work and has no knowledge of them, its decisions are known to be capricious. I won last time, when I got to piggyback another six months on top of the three-month writing project I competed for because none of the Protected wanted it, and this time I lose. In case anyone is at all interested in that last part, which now that I read it I do not imagine is the case. Anyway, that�s the story.

I�m also pissed because now I have to go back and redo a whole spate of grad school essays, the ones in which I discussed, with sincerity that has evaporated, how and why I wanted to work in public service and what I hoped to accomplish there. Did you catch that, did you catch that? The newsiest news of the di hi is that I decided to get serious about applying to school, of which more anon, and after I (no brag) killed on the standardized test, it is a safe assumption that at least one of my applications will be successful and I�ll be out of here in August or so. I have ye olde mixte feelings about this on two counts, and since this page is still a horse with no name, I will share them with you. (1) It�s MBA programs, primarily, that I am applying to. The test I took was the GMAT. See, if I used the adjective "MBA-type" in a sentence, such as "MBA-type thing to do" or even "MBA-type sentences in this paragraph," you would dig my connotation, and said connotation is not favorable. Most MBAs I have known have existed somewhere along the spectrum with slimeballs at one end and total and complete unmitigated slimeballs at the other. Et tu, Brute? Et, since you ask: finally, what other options do I have to increase my odds of employability? Let�s practice for our economics classes next fall and be coldhearted and practical. Temp agencies are still closing down, I know people with master�s degrees who have been looking for work for upwards of a year, and here, for instance, I found a place where I came to like both the work and the people � which may also be news, I forget � and was acknowledged to be very good at what I did, and I still get zero consideration. Baby needs a new pair of shoes, baby needs to start funding her IRA again like a normal grown-up. Baby has not been getting anywhere, here in Seattle, for years. And besides, it is not a requirement that once you get an MBA you must start toiling for Dark Side Inc. � you can ply your trade for a non-profit or you can work for a university, something like that. Hell, if you don't mind sitting there for 20 years waiting to get juicily crapped out by a diseased colon, you can work in the public sector. There is an argument to be made, but not by me because when I try it I either come off as Pollyanna or sound pathetic and self-rationalizing, that an MBA is a good basic credential in the acquisition of which a body can reinvent herself in one or more new and employable ways. I don�t want to be an academic or a lawyer, and I think I must have been high last year when I briefly entertained the idea of an MPH. Therefore, I am doing what I am doing and haters can suck it. (2) Once long ago the rap on me, from a rapper I knew then, was that I was lying when I said what I was like and what and whom I valued because the true answer was that I was slumming with my office jobs and my variously degreed posse and that one day I would surrender to my undeniable nature and run off to grad school, where I would consort exclusively with skinny snotty bluebloods for the rest of my life. And honestly, from time to time I catch myself practicing or rehearsing to tell that person how he is wrong, how MBA school never crossed my mind until last spring and then mostly in the sense of practicality and because it seemed less craven than the other options, that I can�t see a way to steady my life otherwise, that my resume looks like one long bullet list since the tech bust and I�m finding it harder and harder to be glib about, that it is easy for him to talk with his house and his presumably fat IRA and the indestructible job sector in which he without a college degree has carved himself a happy niche, that if he were in my position he might just be inclined to pursue the same course� and then I realize that the only reason I�m getting all exercised is that I do not want him to have the satisfaction of being what he thinks is right � and this is where I try to get all Buddhist and give my ego a spanking and some walking papers � and I force myself to remember what Kurt S., lo these many years ago, taught me about how you can�t talk rationally to an irrational person, and with great embarrassment I bring myself back to the reality-based version of my MBA-wards life, in which, as I have noted, I am doing what I am doing and haters can suck it. But not really. Irrationality is a big and often delicious pie, and I want to be right too. So I still spend a respectable amount of mental energy defending myself against (a) someone who treated me badly and never earned my trust or accorded me any that I had earned and (b) uh, me. I expect I will get over both of these by August, though.

Ah, I am back after so long and already it feels like I�ve never been away. And look, my self-doubt is right here where I left it � still warm!

There�s more, but it�s almost time to go, and since I�m basically waiting for an HR representative to call me and give me an hour to get out of the building (no fooling), my workload is light. So I will finish tomorrow.